you tried to warn me

I plan to live forever. So far so good.

It took me the greater part of my life thus far to learn that only this moment matters. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe it. And that's where it all begins, right? Believing in something? But we all know that believing in something is a far cry from living it. Having said that, I've always been a ridiculously sentimental person, so the past for me has been hard to escape. I can't help but lose myself in lament for days gone by. I have always felt everything that happens to me -very deeply. In the moment, I often imagine how I will one day look back on the memory, and occasionally make commitments to myself to remember. Such a strange and magnificent life it has been.

I remember, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, lying in my bed after a particularly traumatic day. I was hiding under a blanket and crying. I remember feeling afraid of adulthood, and of losing all of my magic powers. After praying for the chance to stay young forever, I made a promise to myself, (in so many words,) that no matter what happened I would always remain loyal to my younger self. I would never forget how I felt that night, and almost 30 years later... I still haven't.

So here I am, living today -keeping yesterday tucked safely in my back pocket with a book of matches and a ball of lint. The point I am making is that I have always done my best not to let down the former version of me. If I seem childish at times, now you know why. I can't say that I have always come through, and at times I feel very guilty for the occasional momentary lapse. Some days, like today, I find myself pondering my surroundings and the sticky ball of life I live in and wonder if that 5 year old boy would forgive me for the mess I've made of things. I hope so. Because tomorrow is bran new chance to live today.

And to you, the reader.... thank you for existing. Some of you may know how much you have influenced me, but most of you do not.

Have a killer day, everyone. Be the change.